Life's Journeys

Hidden Blessings

2012-01-26T08:39:00.000-08:00

Hidden Blessings

If chronic illness has a home

Moments in life can be stolen

Keep a careful eye on where you are

Most of what you miss are the Hidden Blessings

Be the purpose designed by God
Don't stop trying and find support
Distance from those who hurt you with fraud
Give room to the Hidden Blessings

Daily struggles accept, don't resist
Life is not an entitlement
There is more than your illness
Allow the Hidden Blessings

You will fall, you can rise, accept help
Keep true to yourself & others
Don't apologize or sacrifice yourself
Be a part of the Hidden Blessings

Know that God does love you
Show it in mind, body, & soul
He will not fail to provide rescue

And willcontinue to bless you with Hidden Blessings

Life Is A Sermon

2012-01-26T08:19:00.000-08:00

Life Is A Sermon

You will tell a lie, and you will be hurt by a lie

Allow your smile to shine, but also accept a good cry

Everyone will have joy and strife, but know God will stay forever

Adversity is necessary, inevitable and builds character

There’s always a beginning and an ending

God’s creation here is temporary, and there is no pretending

Blaming wastes time, learning your part will stop the torment

Find the path that brings your soul its designed contentment

Choose to live for work, or work to live

Pick wisely that which allows you to freely love and give

One day you’ll have to let go, and you will mourn

Allow yourself peace, it will mend the torn

My Last Day (Poem)

2011-12-15T11:59:00.001-08:00

A concept that I created for myself over the last year and a half, came from a place where my physical pain and illness had reached a critical point. Much of my day was hidden from even the closest of my family for I dare not expose them to what was a private matter but a place that I didn't think they should be burdened with. During these private moments I had to find a way to cope with pain that was like a hell....truly. For example, I would visualize those lost in the Haiti disaster whose last moments were buried between rocks and walls. Imagining their pain, helped me to understand my pain was still tolerable. Then I asked myself one day "What if this was my last day?". I kept that thought going daily because I knew that if anything could help me appreciate the good I had, this idea did. So this poem was created from my survival mindset during a time that appeared never ending, providing me hope. Today, I feel so relieved to have overcome this painful experience and having hope made it happen.

This poem is dedicated to "Mandi".

My Last Day

Have you had days pass by without a thought
Absorbed with battles that you needlessly sought
And in the midst of this storm blinding your way
Suddenly, you awake to "What if this was my last day?"

If today was my last day, I want to feel gratitude in my heart
Because there's a new door, to open with a new start
Now I will include thanking God for each day
No more taking anything for granted, because it all could fly away

All that matters is right here, within my grasp, now
Loving everyone around me without having a need to ask "how?"
My last day is today, and I am free!
Like a strong breeze I can feel it within me

With a perspective more clear my heart rejoices
Finally I'm not chained to the old dark voices
A new beginning that I can make my destiny
My last day is my first step into making my dreams reality

"Subject to Change" On the Front Door of Life

2011-07-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

We all get comfortable periods in life, and “expecting” each day to be the same is just an unconscious part of our thinking. We grow into our lifestyles, adapt to the way we like our home, personal life, work life, health and how we raise the kids. Our daily routines are rituals that we give no thought to, because we are on automatic pilot mode. We hear others talk about sudden health issues, family breakups, financial fallen, and job madness. We move on as though we won’t get hit by these changes. When change does happen, and it disrupts all that we have known, we tend to resist and suddenly we are all out of sorts with life.

My first major change in life occurred at age 27 and it was a mystery illness in many ways. I found myself in a maze of great physical pain and odd symptoms but a variety of doctors who were unable to adequately treat me. That change had such an impact in my life and I really didn’t want to accept that my life needed to continue carefully in a new direction. Accepting change means we ourselves have to look at what we have in our ownership of the change. However sometimes we don’t recognize our part to play in making the change. Today I am able to see that I didn’t make the necessary changes in my life for my new health condition.

When I look at change in my life I recognize those changes that were wanted but still had great challenges. My move from Cincinnati, OH, to Houston, TX, was one that I was so excited about. Not only was I starting a new job after being jobless for 3 months, but I was moving where the weather was warm and dry instead of so many dreary cold days! There was no way to mentally prepare myself however for a move to Texas and a new job. I was just turning 34 and moving away from all my friends and family, 1100 miles away. At first it felt like a vacation as I made friends immediately, and playing on the lake like I so commonly did in Ohio. Life felt great, but as time went on, things got tough. Before I knew it I was slammed with another major change and I had only been in Texas nine months. Another move, this time to Austin, TX, which included surprising changes that blew me away.

The odd part about change, good or bad, is how it can make you grow and continue to open other doors. The problem we face with change most times is the patience to see it through. I read a book once that talked about change and our normal resistance to it. The book suggested that every home should have a sign on the front door that reads “Subject to Change”. That meant a lot to me as I realized that many of the changes which turn into life changing events, come either unplanned, not on our timetable, or the end of something or someone we loved dearly. What we have to come to terms with is change is subject to happen at any time. Our wakeup call is that change is suppose to occur. If we decide we can’t accept the change, then we are in for a world of hurt.

Three years into my daughter’s life that I was so delighted to have with me, another major change hit….but this time the biggest of all booms! At age 40 I found myself in the hospital being brain monitored and dealing with the mystery illness again. It has now been 5 years, and I am disabled as a result of this mystery type illness. With this illness has come a continual revolving door of nonstop change.

I know now that change is something that can happen every day. The loss of health, job, and friends is still a change I struggle with however it has ironically opened up doors also. Now, I don’t think about all the hours away from my daughter while at work. I’m able to be more at peace with my home not looking perfect because my health is priority over it. Writing and poetry have been great gifts to me that I never saw before. I have accepted that change has knocked on my door so many times that hopefully one day I may find that change will show me a healthier body soon!

Subject to change is our purpose in life. If we resist or refuse to accept it we will close those doors that are being presented to us, to walk through and embrace those opportunities that can come with change. Here are five tips that I have identified in helping me with ongoing changes in my life.

Tips For Accepting Change

1. Expect Change - Allowing and accepting events in your life to happen, planned or unplanned, but definitely involve changes that we should always know are just around the corner.

2. Change You – Changes that disrupt our day-to-day life come to us two different ways. There is change that happens to you, and also change that happens within you. We can’t control what will happen, but we do have the ability to control what we do with the change. Be alert and quick to recognize that you are about to enter a new phase of life.

3. Seek the Opportunity – When you see that you are having a hard time moving from where you are, to where you need to go, envisioning where the move could take you may help. Look at the big picture, and see what positive options there are. Sometimes it is scouting our location, or even trying new relationships. Once you have built some trust in the new, it will be easier to leave the old.

4. Let Go of the Old – One of the toughest things in life is to let go of a loved one we have lost. Letting go of our sense of security or relationships can be awfully scary and difficult to do. One of my favorite reminders that I say to myself is “Let Go, Let God”. The best gift we can give ourselves is peace, and only by letting go can we reach that blessing.

5. Keep Growing – Making strides towards the things that will benefit you also keep you moving in the right direction in any transition. Whether it is in your personal or business life, when you recognize an opportunity to expand in ways that will reap rewards, go for it. It is all about our growing and knowing that a breakthrough does lead to better days.

One of the things I say to my daughter a lot is “Everything has a beginning and an ending”. That may sound morbid but preparing her for what to expect at the playground, school, birthday parties, or chores around the house,etc. is to help her understand a head of time that these things all change and we move on through life as it was meant to be.

This is the most recent blog I have posted for www.CraftedElegance.org. Crafted Elegance provides quality crafts that are hand made creations by those who are disabled. Within Crafted Elegance is an opportunity to find great crafts and also provide yourself the ability to sell your art. Please take time to visit this craft site!

No Arms No Legs No Worries

2011-06-26T12:57:00.000-07:00

The Love Tree

2011-06-21T07:48:00.000-07:00

As a poet (only aware after becoming disabled) my words tend to flow easier for me only in a poem. For this month’s blog, I was suffering Bloggers “block"….but then an idea came to me after talking to Dianalynn Varin (owner of Crafted Elegance) about how her business will grow, for it is a “Love Tree”. My emphasis was that in her walk to provide us, the disabled, a way to fulfill a purpose and still make an income was pure love! As more of us reach out to others, more branches grow. I asked Dianalynn since I was having Blogger’s “block”, if it was OK for me to write a poem. A few days later this poem just flowed out.

The Love Tree

The roots take seed

In ways we need

To work our way above the ground

Then off to receive sight and sound

The trunk of a tree is like the soul

Finding the path that makes us whole

Find a branch to reach out

Then in turn branches will begin to shout

I’m here for you as you grow!

Helping during any high and low!

The fruit your tree bears

Is sweet and nothing compares!

How remarkable to see the tree over time

With bright leaves in green and lime

It glows among others in the big forest

Beginning a desire to be the ultimate best

Love is a beautiful tree of giving

Branching out, and making others sing

Giving a heart to branch out and receive

Collecting together because we believe

My tree of love is always here

Asking you to take care

Be my friend not my enemy

For peace is my gift to you and me

Look around your tree

Do you have what your heart can see?

Dare to spread your branches far and wide

You will see that your love tree is right inside

I have climbed through many trees wavering

I found love can only be received, after giving

If I first love what my tree can be

Only then can others branch to my love tree

Crafted Elegance is an on-line marketplace that sells high quality, homemade crafts created by disabled individuals. Please take a moment when you can and visit CraftedElegance.org. This business is one of great opportunities for both those interested in craft products and for those needing a place to demonstrate their beautiful abilities through their art.

Fear: False-Evidence-Appearing-Real

2011-05-18T07:28:00.000-07:00

The only one who comes to know the lasting contentment of true spiritual fulfillment is that unique person who realizes that the fear of emptiness is itself an empty power.

Life's Secret Lessons About Real Success

Success is not measured by the amount of our possessions. The truth is that real success is determined by how much we are in actual possession of ourselves. We can also see that the person who fears the loss of what he thinks is his success has not truly succeeded. Why is this the truth? The individual who lives with secret self-defining fears is not a self-possessing person but rather a person possessed, often pushed and punished by his fears.

To see the truth of these findings is to realize the need for a whole new way to succeed in life. This new way of life requires us to search out a totally different path through life, a new path we can climb only by calling on a whole new set of higher actions. We can begin our ascent to securing real success with the following new action:

We must begin the inner work of consciously proving to ourselves that there is nothing to fear, instead of allowing our fears to push us into a never-ending series of fearful actions. This suggested new action makes more sense the more we gain insight into our present notion of success; for if we look closely, we can see that contained right within it, although unseen at present, is the fear of failure. The real fear behind this idea of failing is our unconscious fear of losing our familiar, confident sense of self.

As long as what we think of as being our "success" in life harbors the secret fear of our self somehow being diminished by the loss of this same external source, then our sense of self does not belong to us. Under these conditions we are little more than unsuspecting victims subject to every vagrant wind of change that blows through the world of our enterprise.

Strive to do what is in your power while remaining awake to what is not. It is not in your power to control what will occur or how events will transpire. But it is in your power to be awake to the fearful voices that either project some doom or that denounce you for making mistakes. Realize that these fearful states are secretly trying to keep you their captive. The only hold they have is the fear they can get you to buy into about "you." Remember: Do what is in your power, not what is not.

Overcoming Isolation with Social Media Network

2011-04-25T16:20:00.000-07:00

Here is the second blog I had the pleasure of writing for Crafted Elegance. Hope you enjoy!

One of the things I have learned just recently in 2011, is how my own social isolation was improved by the Internet. Many individuals, who are housebound (i.e. disabled, stay at home moms along with caregivers), find themselves over time to become socially isolated. Participating in relationships and contacts outside the home is critical to health as shown by national studies. Studies recently conducted, are focusing on whether the Internet is a positive or negative influence for those isolated. Overall the studies do show that the online communication of chat rooms, online dating and social networks have reduced isolation and will continue to do so through 2020! Here is a study I found on this serious topic and to view click on the link:

http://jacquemundell.wordpress.com/2010/07/02/survey-internet-improves-social-relations-is-a-positive-force/

I haven't been to a happy hour in probably 15 or so years. The "end of the work week" used to be a place where my coworkers and friends would gather over a beer, while enjoying each other with laughter. Being social was always part of my way of being. I talk a lot and anyone who knows me will tell you that! My history of employment was that of a service type position where I had to work on people's computers, telephones, wiring, etc. It was important that I have a social attitude when working on people's office equipment and that opportunity fulfilled my strong desire to be part of a group of people.

I think many of us have that nature in us to be a part of something other than ourselves. We make friends at work, church and in our fitness world (if we have one outside the home). I was an avid "work-out girl" and used to spend hours upon hours at the gym....and I loved the social atmosphere there too! Another thing I used to love to do with my friends is dance! Most weekends I had to be "out" or I felt so bored.

Starting a family is a common stage in life where family becomes the primary focus and we gradually wean into this family mode. Especially when you have that baby that just makes your heart explode, being social takes a different twist. We tend to mingle at the work place but happy hours and weekend dancing goes way back on the back burner.

Imagine though becoming ill with your body restricted...or injured to the point that interacting with others is more than a challenge....it becomes so difficult you can't drive, maybe even mobility is an issue. The trend is unfortunately that your good co-workers (who are busy with their family and friends) after time will not call anymore, or visit. Definitely relationships with friends can be strained by your new world. It's nobody's fault that you're "disabled" and/or your life doesn't fit in with others. It is very hard to understand and live with someone who is disabled. In my experience, and as I have learned from talking to others who have become disabled, life outside the home rarely exist. It becomes a world you don't recognize, and turns into isolation that can lead to depression. I know, as I went through all of this.

Now comes what some may think is funny or odd, but I bet those who have been isolated, will understand. Social Media Network stopped my isolation! I have been on Facebook since about 2008, however, I wasn't really drawn into Facebook and I wasn't a regular visitor except when I wanted to post some pictures.

When 2011 arrived, I started a Facebook group called "Finding the Answer" which was to help me focus on finding answers for my wellness. This was the new pavement that I was about to learn would lead me out of isolation and back into my social world. I began sharing stories with friends, finding new friends, finding friends with common issues, and the list goes on. I found opportunity in Facebook with my writing but most of all I had my laughter and social energy back!!! I so desperately needed friends to just joke around with and feel like I belonged to a group.

The amount of time I spend hooting over witty comments and fun times with my friends and family across the U.S. has changed my life for the better. I had lost my sense of humor, but I regained it and then something far better and surprising happened. I physically felt better!!! When I had my social interactions back, I could feel my body strength improve and physical pain reduce. I may have serious health issues going on at present, but having the ability to joke and laugh, makes all the rest seem not as important. I don't want my pain, illness, or plain health issues to be the center of me. Making others smile and laugh, brings delight in my life and my body has been rewarded by this gift.

It may be hard to reach out in the Social Medial Network if you are presently alone and maybe not sure how to get "out there" on any internet social media. I never thought that 3 years after I joined facebook I would be writing about how it virtually saved my life. One step towards opening the door, allowing a few friends to be of comfort and to add light back into your spirit may surprise you beyond what you could imagine. I only hope that more people who are isolated can find their way to people who make them inspired, grow, and laugh...it is one source of medicine we do require.

Opportunity is Ability - Blogger for Crafted Elegance

2011-04-10T18:03:00.000-07:00

The Opportunity Is Ability

Wednesday, 16 March 2011 23:32

In 2006, I was faced with my life changing event called disability. I focused initially on the physical problems and overcoming them. A wise friend gave me advice, the same words repeatedly which were "find the opportunity". As I tried to digest those words and handle what I viewed as only my pain that no one could understand, the words hit me so many times "find the opportunity". I would get "annoyed" at times with my friend who was healthy because she wasn't going through my ordeal. I thought how dare she keep telling me to get beyond my pain and stop resisting. I knew my friend was right about finding the opportunity. It was the best advice but I wasn't ready to receive it.

Then in 2008, I began to try and create a business with being able to work from home and make up for the income loss when I converted to disability pay. The loss of income was quite extreme and I was a single mother. Repeatedly since 2008 I have continued to try and find my business opportunity but at the same time I felt the reins of the illness pulling me down. I had accomplished a business startup but there were so many Internet scams I came across and I questioned if a means of providing for me and my daughter was even possible.

Presently I have peace and opportunity in my writing. I learned that opportunity is also the knowledge and recognition that I have more ability. A few months ago I read a post for crafters needed at Crafted Elegance and was intrigued at the fact that the owner of Crafted Elegance and myself had many things in common. Dianalynn Varin is disabled just as I, and she is a business owner starting out, clearly she demonstrated the desire for a business opportunity, and to provide for the ability disabled folks have. Dianalynn Varin, has shown not only her desire to bring opportunity to herself, but in doing so, through Crafted Elegance she has provided a world of opportunity to those who are restricted but want to go on providing for themselves. Making crafts has an element of peacefulness to it and that was a huge attraction to me to be a crafter. I wanted to give myself some peace and a break from my own business while I allowed my body to heal. What Dianalynn did for me is help me see that I have been exhibiting opportunity all along, by blogging and writing poetry.

I am honored that Dianalynn asked me to be the "blogger" for Crafted Elegance. I believe in Dianalynn and Crafted Elegance 100 percent. There is a poem I wrote a year ago called "Disability Without "D" which you can find in my blog archives. Crafted Elegance is the place where "Is Ability" (Disability without "D") is demonstrated by the owner, the business opportunity for the disabled, and the customer...who will not only have purchased a quality inspected product, but allowed ability to shine on the faces of every crafter and on Crafted Elegance.

Please take a moment and check out Crafted Elegance website! I am working on a craft myself to start selling! So whether you are interested in creating & selling a craft or buying hand-crafted qulity items, Crafted Elegance wants to give you opportunity with quality!

http://www.craftedelegance.org/ - Click on the link!

This Far

2011-02-25T23:43:00.000-08:00

Don't sit and let your mind scatter and compare
It's not about what you think is fair
Through it all, This Far is what matters
It will sustain you through the blinding glare

Picking up the pieces of a continual mourning
I failed to see all the good I had happening
Making an effort to see beyond the eye
This Far, is enough without any Why

Climbing those stairs that circle and wind
Is critical to healing, even if it doesn't seem kind
The focus being on your walk through the journey
Looking at how far you've come instead of disability

Believe beyond your expectations and plans
For that which is out of your control is in His hands
Each step you take makes all the difference
We weren't meant to be our own hindrance

Find how far you can go by not looking backward
Keep your attention on the next step forward
Don't fret over the stones that may slow your walk
And be careful not to listen to the evil around you talk

There will be days that This Far will be still
Don't make it about self punishment or lack of will
Some days are meant to be quiet and motionless
Keeping yourself peaceful and gracious

You know This Far can be about your influence
Give yourself and others the motivation to go the distance
No matter what don't give in to the hardship
This Far is God's way of helping you worship

Don't forget to pray to Him who walks with you
He wants you to recognize the walk and What you do
Talking is not enough, so show This Far with dignity
This Far is accepting that one step, even the smallest is plenty

Broken

2011-02-10T23:30:00.000-08:00

Hopefully you have a hobby or outlet that helps in your journey of trying to pull you through any struggle, whether it is tough times in your life, health issues, etc. Some of you know I tend to write poetry and am very big on my journals. During the most difficult of times in my illness, I would sit and think of how I felt, how my family must feel, and start to write. My poetry collection is starting to pick up however it halted for the last few months.

My coming forward with this is just a way to say keep doing whatever keeps your spirit alive. I allowed depression and focus on my pain to keep me from writing. I had told James several times that there were no words coming form my heart and I had not written a poem for months. "One liners" have come to me, which I jot down but just a big block in my mind and heart.

Today as I was reading through my journal I found something I ever noticed before but loved seeing how it changed my heart. In my journal, I wrote on Dec. 26th, "Celina told me she thinks I should work on my poetry. I think she is wise". Then the next page in my journal was a poem I wrote on Dec. 27th....and I wrote this poem without Celina's advice in my thought process. I needed "my therapy" and on 12/27 I was up all night, unable to sleep. I had ulcers all over my tongue, and I started to obsess over them. Then I went to the computer at 4am and wrote the following poem:

(This poem is about the countless doctor's I've tried to explain my body's message, counselor who I had built much faith and fondness for but "she" revealed her true self, and hired psychologist, by private disability, for hidden agenda's to disprove my body's voice).

Broken

Mind, Body and Soul need to be together

Without them balanced, you are a meaningless token

Every storm big or small you cannot weather

You continue to fall but hope you won't end up broken

In front of them all, like presenting to a jury

You expose all, expecting something in return

Justice, Sympathy, Integrity, Humanity

And when that fails, you feel it as a personal burn

You seek answers from prophets of God

"Patience, that which you wish for is coming"

Over and over "patience" is drilled into the head

Now 20 years later, what should you be feeling?

Therapy reveals to you what you reveal to it

You try to get help and in return are struck down

In my face you spit

Your faces may smile at me but your souls frown

Illness struck the body mind and soul

You added insult to injury

Knowing me was not on your schedule

Next I'm accused of perjury

So stand up, don't stay broken

Every day trying to find your legs and their strength

Seems they are weak and lack desire for walkin

By now, you know there's another kick in the ass comin

The next day after writing this poem, I found out:

1. I was scammed $6500 on my credit card - still trying to resolve

2. Medical drug insurance coverage was halted and $400 worth of meds still waiting at the

pharmacy

3. Went to refill my Darvocet - found out that FDA pulled it from US - now illegal

4. Missed my doctor's appt that I had waited 3 months for...I have never missed appt with

this doctor in 4 years. I was so sick I couldn't hardly get out of bed for 3 days. Now

the doctor can't see me for another 3 months.

Sometimes, despite how negative the poetry seems, it is truly my therapy. My daughter is wise and I now feel the inspiration to write again.

Two Wolves

2010-09-10T11:53:00.000-07:00

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people. He said, 'My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.'

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: 'Which wolf wins?'

The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'

Blowing In The Wind

2010-04-27T11:13:00.001-07:00

This poem is dedicated to Ron Markowicz. Ron lives in Las Vegas, NV where he has been fighting for his life and family for the past 2 years. His fight is what many across the U.S. suffer from and wait for repeated silence, injustice, fraudulent and unethical practices. The problem and fight is regarding Workers Compensation in our U.S. If you have an expectation or assumption that you will be protected if ever injured on the job, think again my friends!

The poem I wrote below is my personal attempt to reach the media and anyone who can help what appears to be numerous victims of the worst system we rely on. In my review of Ron's story, and others recently, Workers Compensation is acting equally as thieves. If we don't do something, we could be the next victim. Exposing insurance companies such as Crawford & Co and pursuing the Supreme Court if necessary, is the only way these type of scam artist can be stopped from taking away all you have worked hard your entire life for. Look for more blog entries coming soon on Workers Compensation issues in our country.

Blowing In the Wind

We expect promised rights for a hard working life

From the time we are old enough to read

We are taught goodness prevails for a man who works with great strife

So, how does the good man fall down, and get left blowing in the wind?

Consider a 25 year consistent worker, taxpayer and good historian

Who did as he was taught, dedicated and true American citizen

Never begging for handouts, only providing for himself with integrity and desire

Then suddenly, something fails, and he is left blowing in the wind

One day, in the food industry career that had brought him great favor

Was a simple matter of water lying on the kitchen floor

The dishwasher had leaked, and leaving an accident to happen

There came Ron into the wet floor, and away blowing in the wind

Blowing in the wind that is now what Ron Marcowicz does daily

With one fall, how one's life changes dramatically

The problem is that Ron had to learn more lessons than imagined

Now he was dealing with disability and a system of cruelty

Ron found his life disabled along with a flurry of injustice

Workers Comp fraudulent & unethical insurance acts

From Nevada's elected, Senator Reid and Congress Rep Titus

Governor and Mayor Goodman's office refuse to help, and they all have the facts!

Ron's home has already reached foreclosure due payments that lack

Workers Comp System refusing to pay and lying behind every one's back

Threatening the doctors so they deny Ron service, for they fear injustice

Add to that the back surgeon who should be pursued for malpractice

To survive, Ron has had the fight of his life

He doesn't understand why those in able positions

Have ignored his pleas for help and his well deserving rights

Why do they allow him to blow in the wind?

As a handful of supporters make phone calls and written requests

To Nevada officials, TV and News journalists and radio stations across the US

Even a journalist who covered Ron's story but fails to publish

This is overwhelming, criminal and plain right foolish

If only all these who ignorantly turn away and pull their politics

Understood that at any moment their life and expectations could sway away

Their fall could be so drastic & they will expect their insurance

Along with support by officials, but it all could go blowing in the wind

Please wake up and see what you have not done for yours

Choose to attain to that which you promised as your purpose

Don't allow a human being so close to your hands

Be left blowing in the wind!

Why do I care about this man I have never seen or met?

My purpose was found through a surprising fall

And after I worked 21 years of my life

I was afraid me & my daughter would be left blowing in the wind

But God did find angels along my path

Many times as I had to push and pull my life along

I was caught by a system that did not fail me

And all my fears went blowing in the wind

So my plea is that there will be angels that will cross Ron's path

Who will fulfill their duties to include justice and their promises at last

Reach out to a fellow American whose life and family are falling fast

Please stop the wind, before they are lost, and let them stand still

Stop Misfortune Before It Begins

2009-11-10T07:17:00.000-08:00

Welcome Truth's Light and Make Everything Right for You

Have you ever seen rage in yourself? Generally, we don't want to see certain states within us because we've been conditioned to think of them as bad for us. We don't understand that these states are part of a world that can be changed when the light is brought to them.

What happens when we see things about ourselves that we don't want to see?

In order to avoid looking at itself, the mind will seize on the rage it has seen, and it will try to explain it. It will take the initial darkness, the negative energy, and because it seems to be so bad, the mind will make something out of it that it can deal with.

When we live from a nature that does not want to see its own self, then there's no chance that self, that nature, can ever change. When we hide from ourselves the way we feel, the only thing that we're accomplishing is the assurance that these feelings will return again... only more of them! It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: we condemn and doom ourselves by being afraid of the darkness in us.

We have one thing to do with our own states, and that is to see them as they are, to catch the part of us that's afraid of being what we've just seen, to stop trying to hide anything anymore... because we're on this earth to learn.

Negative states are created for the purpose within ourselves of being changed into something else. Everything that happens within us is all part of this beautiful process: anything that we are willing to bring into the light of ourselves will be changed by the light we bring it into.

So instead of going along with the answers that you give yourself for why you feel the way you do -- instead of excuses, rationales, justifications for your state (which are the mind's way of trying to deflect the state) -- don't hide it. Just simply see it. If you don't explain yourself to yourself, then all that's left is yourself and your awareness of it. You're not talking to yourself anymore about what you see. There's just seeing.

Don't hide anymore. There is something beautiful that doesn't have fear in it that wants to touch us. Its touch is what changes us. We cannot change ourselves. All the ways in which we excuse these dark parts are efforts on the part of the darkness to change itself, to deal with it, to get around it. Stop trying to get around a negative state. Bring the negative state into the light of your awareness, and let that awareness do what it is intended to do, which is to change it, to transform it.

-- Guy Finley

The Learning Foundation - Free Self-Help Resource

2009-10-24T17:55:00.000-07:00

Years before I became disabled, I was introduced by a friend to Guy Finley's books and audio material (many online free materials). For about 3-4 years on my way into/way home from work I would listen to Guy's CD's that were always remarkable lessons that gave me better insight to issues and struggles. Apparently I was meant to be directed to Guy, as I became disabled and all those CD's got pulled out again, along with about 4 books I have bought and just kept listening and reading. The great thing about Guy's nonprofit organization "The Learning Foundation" is that you can get weekly free lessons emailed to you. You can listen to Guy online via his webcast. He has been a great teacher to me and I think you might find at minimum his free weekly lessons a blessing to your life.

To find out more click on the banner below and you will be redirected to Guy Finely's world of free materials. I'm not going to tell you that he gives away his books or audio CD's....but whether you purchase material or choose to stay with free material you will be doing yourself a great favor!

My Story About Sidi Muhammad al-Jammal

2009-10-19T07:25:00.000-07:00

I had the pleasure on Oct 1-3 to attend a Sufi retreat in order to obtain physical healing for my illness (polyneuropathy) by a man named Sidi Muhammad al-Jammal from Jerusalem. I got to too tired on the 3rd day to get my one on one healing with Sidi. However on the 1st day he gave me the Arabic name "Sabira" for "patience, enduring" and he reached out to my hand and said "patience....that which you wish for is coming". I have attached a You Tube video of Sidi giving a meaningful story about a wasp and a bird. Also for understanding the language translation for "Allah" is God.

Please give yourself a gift by clicking on this link. If unable to click, just copy and paste into your browser:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPwH34q_-QI&feature=related

Disability - How to Obtain - All The Facts You Need

2009-10-17T18:02:00.000-07:00

If you want to find out how to obtain disability benefits, from a website I have used that cost NOTHING, please refer below to the link in this blog post. This website is a wonderful resource for those of us chronically ill needing disability benefits. There is a community forum on here with other people who share in common the struggles of being very ill and at the same time trying to get what is entitled to them...Social Security Benefits! I have been a member of this site for over a year and the information loaded in this site is amazing. Not only did I get all the information I would need for an appeal, or renewal but there is step by step guide on how to get Social Security without involving an attorney. Most people think they have to rely on an attorney but if you join this site for free, you will be guaranteed a world of webinars, posted blogs and newsletters on how to do almost any aspect of obtaining/securing your social security disability. Trust me, this is why this blog was started....to help others like myself!
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Click on the link below to play the audio message And Learn How A FREE Disability Digest Membership Will Teach You Absolutely Everything (You) Need To Know About Disability!

http://playaudio-345.com/play.asp?m=378270&f=BKKYWM&ps=7&p=1

To get your membership go to:
http://www.thedisabilitydigest.net/131-0-5-6.html

Regards
Christine Messaros

Your Blue Sky - Tribute to Army Major Matthew W. Worrell

2009-10-10T08:44:00.001-07:00

Tribute to Army Major Matthew W. Worrell

I never knew Matthew Worrell. However on one late day in May 2006 I was delighted at the Blue Sky. I was so inspired I wrote a poem titled Your Blue Sky. After starting the poem, I knew I had to continue packing as I was moving from an apartment to a house. The move was scheduled for Memorial Day Weekend. I put the poem I started away. However, going through newspapers for packing dishes, I found an article that hit a chord with me stronger than anything ever has before. It was titled "Served in Iraq with Night Stalkers Unit". Matthew's story of how he was apart of the aviation mission and the outfit of the Night Stalkers moved me along with the age of 34 in which he departed. Suddenly, I realized the poem I had just started that day...Your Blue Sky. I had been drawn to the blue sky and what it meant to me. Somehow I couldn't imagine that I found this article on Matthew's group who was struck down as just a coincidence. I took the article and cut it out. Although that was in 2006 and now we are in October 2009, I have saved both the article and poem telling myself that I would finish it and make sure the family had this. My misfortune is not as great as those who lost Matthew: husband, father, son and friend. However, part of the reason for the delay in finishing this poem and tribute, is one month after I began this poem I became ill...resulting in now my disability. How God does work, I have turned my disability into an opportunity to extend on my poetry. If anyone knows how I can get this poem I have tributed to Matthew Worrell's family please advise. I have searched and searched on the internet but can only find mention of his wife's name and parent's name but unable to find any other information to contact the family.

Your Blue Sky

How much do we embrace our blue sky

That beautiful feeling when we see such a view

Of a deep blue sea way up high

Providing a sense of a soul renewed

It would be so wonderful for all of us

If we could demonstrate a blue sky to others

Learning to give as the blue sky, the hope of God's purpose

What a fulfilling gift to shine our light among us

Clouds will clutter but are temporary, and possess a lesson

If we identify with the clouds we are not awake

Do not assume that cloudy days means our blue sky is gone

For if you do, this will affect God's path for you to take

As much as we yearn for each day to be filled of the blue sky

We must not forget the necessity of clouds and storms

So many times we may not see clearly or understand why

However, know that all storms will pass and blue skies again are born

How Do I

2009-09-12T05:57:00.000-07:00

How do I tell my daughter
"About that party on Saturday
Mommy will try her best
But we may have to skip it"

She bears her mother's struggle
Yet she is young & shouldn't be bothered
By an illness that keeps her sheltered
How do I tell my daughter

I want so much to give her opportunity
The age of wellness & happiness
With excitement of summer & playing with friends
However my unpredictable health seems endless

How do I tell my daughter
"Sure I told you yesterday we would go
But today I feel so bad
And it will have to wait until I'm better"

Her disappointment obviously repeats
And equally for me not having the capability
My fear is she will in time resent me
For she was held back by my disability

How do I tell my daughter
The doctors say "in another year"
They are trying new things to make me better
A broken record she continues to hear

I know the most important thing is love
To give her all that is possible in my words
My heart is always reaching out and above
Faith and courage I hope she learns

Doing Alot of Nothing

2009-09-03T06:04:00.000-07:00

Do you ever look out your window
And realize your beautiful rainbow
Colors in your life you suddenly recognize
I did today, and found myself hiding in disguise

I talk about my sincere desire to overcome this strife
And how this battle will not be my life
I can take it like Lance Armstrong
But in the end, I'm Doing A Lot of Nothing

Doing A Lot of Nothing
It really hits home
No more blaming anyone or any thing
It's like my mirror is now turned On

The colors finally shine when the mirror can collect
All that which we have chosen to forget
So many lessons I've sought & gained insight
But changing myself, I truly did not fight

Today, at this moment I must Do
Just Thinking after a while turns into Nothing
Life requires purpose carried out
Otherwise you are doing a lot of nothing

Every morning when you wake up
Before or during your morning coffee cup
Make at least one goal and Do that one thing
You will begin to feel your rainbow instead of nothing

You Are Great

2009-08-29T11:13:00.000-07:00

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great, make you feel that you too can become great." -Mark Twain

Forgiveness

2009-08-29T11:01:00.000-07:00

"Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future"

"Remember he who has the entitlement to forgive: If you were not the one wronged let it go"

Angel You Have Flown

2009-06-15T06:56:00.000-07:00

If you scroll down to the first entry of my blog, you will notice a tribute to My Grandpa.

On May 28, 2009, my Grandpa, Bob, was given final rest and peace. Thank you God, for knowing the right time to bless Bob and keep him in good hands.

Angel You Have Flown

You shined brighter than any light
You gave more than anyone I've known
No one used to hug me as tight
Beautiful angel away you've flown

How you gave your help for those in need
Four legged creatures so desperate for your care
They soon knew your love and so does the word seed
More dogs were in your yard, as those who dump animals dare

I can't forget your laughter
Or you asking "Whose sweetie pie are you"
Your voice and words are in my heart forever
May you find a world so shiny and new

You soar now, with God's angels hidden among us
I can only imagine what you may see in heaven
We know that God will fulfill His purpose
Guiding us through our lives, and to you again

I Dreamed A Dream

2009-04-20T17:35:00.000-07:00

Couldn't help myself....I saw this video and I felt it demonstrated what we all need to learn:

1. Don't jump to judgment
2. Always Dream
3. There's Always A Reality For A Dream Pursued
4. Everyone Deserves a Chance - You might be surprised

Whatch this video performance and see how I felt it was perfect for "Design Your Destiny".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PPlkOyaqaQ&feature=related

Disability Without "D"

2009-04-16T06:03:00.000-07:00

The dictionary provides it's definition
General population think they know
"Restriction...disadvantage...disqualification"
Today I took off "D" and found "Is Ability"

Many use the word as a label
And I know, cause I use to not wear it
God taught me a lesson on being capable
In the end I understood a better description fit

Give me a conversation and I will HEAR more
Show me a moment, now I SEE
Giving love like I never did before
God blessed me with "Is Ability"

Now I don't work, I LIVE
No more stolen time with my family
Learning & trying harder to FORGIVE
All because of my "Is Ability"

It's taken three years to find it all
Reaction is to resist, not seeing the opportunity
My happiness flows without that dark wall
Thank God for my "Is Ability"

Issue with Disability, Fear and Faith

2009-04-01T11:13:00.000-07:00

(Journal Entry 9/27/06)

Lessons today on:

1. Fear not having it's way
2. Don't Resist
3. Attention Redirection - "Think God"
4. Peace Thief
5. Not allowing my frustrations to be directed at others

This day I spent frustrated regarding disability telling me that my LTD benefits could not be extended with the present physician information. After my request for an escalation on the matter, I started thinking about the possible outcome if denied benefits. I did not think about the best outcome of being approved for LTD extension. Instead my focus remained on "what if" the benefits get denied. That is where I let fear (False Evidence Appearing Real) set in. I did not use the thought redirection of "Think God". Additionally I was "not in the moment" and I was resisting the situation. Knowing that I spent the better portion of today like that was eye-opening. I spent time going over the story with my boss on what do we do "if". I spent more time with another friend on the phone going over the same story. Then I went to lunch with James, and when he prompted me on LTD status, I went through the story for the 3rd time today. After lunch I came home and called the doctor's office. I allowed my fear and frustration to be put upon someone who had no control over my worry.

At the end of the day, I found out my LTD benefits were approved.

Now, did I feel silly? Yes. All that energy into a worry and fear (False Evidence Appearing Real). Is it OK to feel silly? Yes. But then let it go. Focus on the lesson and then make a mental note to yourself that faith has to be exercised in order to have peace and happiness. I lost my peace & happiness on this day because I simply did not exercise faith in God. I was praying to Him throughout the day but I also acted in fear.

Another lesson for me today was a moment when I thought my plans fell through. I was suppose to be meeting James for lunch, however I accidentally stuck my house key in the truck ignition. I tried & tried to get the key out. I called James for help but he had no ideas. He suggested coming to the house & I said no... I decided to pass on lunch. I then called the dealership for help. They gave me instructions on what "might"work. As I was attempting to follow their directions, I called another friend "Stephanie" and with much frustration explained my "dilemma". I was resisting the situation, assuming the worst outcome I allowed thoughts into my head like "what if I have to get my truck towed" and "what if I can't get Celina from school". After trying and trying to get the key out, eventually it did come out.

Why did I have so little faith?
Why did I resist the situation?
Why did I expect the worst?
Why did I panic?

God is definitely testing my desire & journey of learning to be active in faith, trusting in Him to provide to me what I need. Fear of every little potential problem will not produce what I need in life. Even if it is a problem, why not trust that God will handle it? In the end I have gained another lesson on how to achieve peace & happiness.

Take A Deep Breath

2009-04-01T11:00:00.000-07:00

(Created on 10/14/08)

Instead of reacting in anger or haste
Allowing worry to absorb our day
What valuable energy we waste
What if we took a deep breath

You hear news on the phone
Explosion comes & you keep moving it along
No thought to what affect it has on everyone
What if we took a deep breath

The high pace world in which we live
Takes from us as we give back to it
Our bodies breakdown & suddenly nothing left to give
What if we took a deep breath

Life's demands are truly our choices
A choice to see demand or opportunity
Can we see an opportunity to change our courses
What if we took a deep breath

Hidden Blessings

2009-03-25T10:19:00.001-07:00

If chronic illness has a home
Moments in life can be stolen
Keep a careful eye on where you are
Most of what you miss are the Hidden Blessings

Be the purpose designed by God
Don't stop trying and find support
Distance from those who hurt you with fraud
Give room to the Hidden Blessings

Daily struggles accept, don't resist
Life is not an entitlement
There is more than your illness
Allow the Hidden Blessings

You will fall, you can rise, accept help
Keep true to yourself & others
Don't apologize or sacrifice yourself
Be a part of the Hidden Blessings

Know that God does love you
Show it in mind, body, & soul
He will not fail to provide rescue
And will continue to bless you with Hidden Blessings

Grandpa Days Later

2009-03-25T10:14:00.001-07:00

Bob continues to rise above. Against most odds, Bob came through emergency amputation of his leg. He is improving every day. God thank you for blessing Bob and I pray that he continues to regain strength and health. Mostly I pray he is comfortable and faithful. Amen!

My Grandpa

2009-03-15T13:15:00.000-07:00

There is a man of goals, hard work, failures and accomplishments. One of the highest integrity that only I could hope to posses. He is a man who has seen challenges and overcome. Lived a life giving love and good spirit to others. A soul who did not know a stranger and surely did not like gossip. This man, is my Grandpa.

There is a time when I didn't know how tough times would be. One of the most hardest things for me to see and hear is the suffering of my Grandpa's finality of life on this earth. I do pray that he can be given the release of his great anguish as he did his life in great respect to the One above. Not one thread of responsibility left untouched nor of love not shown. He does deserve an end to the relentless painful struggle.

My sisters and I both love the man with a heart of gold. That heart of gold was given by him, with wisdom he so wanted to share and for a reason. He wanted so much to teach us values. He did. Myself, along with my two other sisters were built with the values that he so richly exposed us to. He was not discriminatory and never did we see a hypocrite. His love for animals indescribable!

Never did a dog or cat on the side of the road, who could have been lost or dumped there, went alone once my grandpa found them. He just didn't know how to turn one away. Trust me, that my grandpa's veterinarian can contest due to the number of animals and extent to the amount of vet bills that went through the vet's office because of my Grandpa's unveiling love for those animals in need. My grandpa would rarely ever go on a vacation but I know of one occasion when he drove hundreds of miles over days to purchase a so called "wheelchair" for one of the dogs. This dog's hind legs had become paralyzed. Bob, (Grandpa) built a special shelter for the dog and gave it love like all the other dogs. Many years later that dog regained feeling in his legs and was able to walk again.

During church, grandpa Bob (we call him by name, Bob) slept. This was not uncommon at all but the part that I used to get so embarrassed about was when he would start to snore. I remember giving him a shove so the pastor wouldn't notice. One day, I was at the pastor's house preparing for a wedding that I was going to play piano for. The pastor brought up Bob sleeping during church service. I was not prepared to hear what came out of the pastor's mouth. The pastor said "I know your Grandpa sleeps through most of the service.....but I bet he gets more out of that service than most of the people in the church...".

As I am now in my early 40's I look back on all the days with my grandparents and especially the "after church" moments. Going out to eat as a kid with them was the most exciting thing to do! We knew there would always be something in it for us because Bob you see was the "spoiler". We took unusual trips sometimes after church. My grandparents had a RV that I can only recall them taking on vacation (1) time. However, after church many times we would go by their house, transition to the RV and take it to McDonald's or the nearby diner. Of course the couple of house dogs (all other dogs had outdoor houses) got to go and a Big Mac or hamburger was obviously in it for them. You could see how much they appreciated that! My sisters and I knew Bob, and whether it was McDonald's or a treat and the dairy shop, he was sure to treat us. Many of the lessons we learned from him was the stories he would tell on the way to somewhere, or on the way home.

There is much more I could tell you about the man that I adore. Unfortunately I might ramble for days, and I don't think any of us have time for that. It was important for me to pay tribute to this man. Today he lies unresponsive in the hospital, and was to have surgery to save his life 3 days ago (cancelled due to weakness). I had to put my thoughts down. I don't know what he is thinking or if at all. One song that he loved to play to my sisters & I was "Me & Bobby McGee" and we would all sing it together. I hope wherever he is, his favorite song is playing and he can relish the moments we had which were filled with only happy times. My greatest of all hopes is he can see all the smiles he put on our faces and the joy that he gave us just by being himself.

I love you Bob, wherever you are. I wish I could be with you by your side. Since I can't be there, I am hoping you know exactly what my heart feels for you. Love Always "Your Sweetie Pie".